dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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