I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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