i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
