speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
