he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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