tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
