I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
