If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
