just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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