I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
