I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
