He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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