I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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