guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
