i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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