She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
