I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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