Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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