yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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