found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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