i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
