His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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