capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
