ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
