i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
