Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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