like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
