Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
