I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up under a house in Key West
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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