I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
