Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
