had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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