well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
