Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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