do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
