never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
