YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
