I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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