Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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