She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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