Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
