Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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