I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
