I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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