The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
