I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
