3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My life is pants optional.
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