I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
