I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
