Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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