Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
