My underwear smells like fireworks.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
well you can't waste a boner
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
